It’s been another year since I last wrote to you, yet it feels like just yesterday that you left us. Time has this peculiar way of both stretching endlessly and slipping through my fingers like grains of sand.

This past year has been particularly challenging for me, Mum. My mental health took a toll, and there were moments when I felt like I was drowning in a sea of despair. But somehow, amidst the darkness, there were glimmers of hope, tiny beacons of light that reminded me of your unwavering strength and resilience.

I cry at lot more these days, my mind drifting to you with every spare moment. I can’t help but feel a sense of vulnerability, almost embarrassed at the intensity of my emotions. It might seem irrational to cry for someone who left us 14 years ago. Yet, Mum, each tear that falls is a testament to the bond we share. You’d gently tell me off, saying you’re not worth crying over, but to me, you’re worth every tear, every sob, every sniffle. The ache in my heart is a constant reminder of how deeply I miss having you beside me.

I wanted to share some good news with you. Despite the struggles, I managed to secure a promotion at work. It’s a milestone I wish I could celebrate with you, to see the pride in your eyes and feel your embrace. Your belief in me has always been my guiding force, and I know you’d be cheering me on from wherever you are.

Another highlight of this year was reuniting with Ben . It had been years since we last saw each other, and the reunion was bittersweet. Seeing him reminded me so much of you, Mum. The way he laughed, the sparkle in his eyes—it was like catching a glimpse of you in the midst of the chaos. We shared stories, reminisced about the moments we spent together as a family, and found solace in each other’s company.

I wish you could see the person I’ve become, Mum. I’ve stumbled and fallen countless times, but I’ve also learned to pick myself up, dust off the wounds, and keep moving forward. Your absence is a void that can never be filled, but your love continues to fuel my journey.

As I write this letter, I find myself overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude—for the memories we shared, for the lessons you taught me, and for the love that transcends even death itself. You may no longer be here with me in the physical sense, but your spirit lives on in every beat of my heart.

Until we meet again, Mum, know that you are always in my thoughts and I love you forever.

Your heartbeat hides underneath a rock.

My palm sits parallel, trying to listen to the distant pound.

If I could hold your heart it would break my fingers.

And yet it is the shelter were I lay underneath.

It pounds

I break

It erodes

I am open

Your heartbeat has long arms. Embraced and asleep I wonder across the sky.

– Lux Pascal (@luxpascal_)